did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
