he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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