Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
