I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
