She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
