ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
