i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
