i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
