Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
