We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
