that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
