new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
My vagina is officially offended.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
