If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
