I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
