I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Randomize
