I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
