Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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