When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
