He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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