My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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