when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
