Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
