We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
