My sheets look like a crime scene.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
