16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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