I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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