he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Randomize
