I swear she didn't look like that last week.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
