I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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