Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
