he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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