i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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