I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
