Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
