Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Sober January is a disaster.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
