By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
worst night to have a conscience
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
