Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Randomize
