he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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