Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
