There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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