I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
