i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
