You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
