Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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