So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
