After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
