This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
two words...techno handjob
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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