I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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