I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
