Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
True strength comes from lack of pants
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
