I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
