the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
whose ass print is on the piano?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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