it was like eating out sand paper
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
