we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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