i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Are we still banned from the library?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
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